Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Journey: Part 5

The next few weeks were really hard on us. Really hard. 

But- we made another plan. 

Move in our new home, knock out some projects, do IVF again. And we did just that. 

We moved in our new humble abode with mixed emotions. I was suppose to be fat and happy.......but instead, I'm puffy from emotional eating.....and I'm HOTT due to all of the manual labor of moving. 

We closed the door to the nursery and didn't talk about. We didn't talk about the fact that while we toured the home.....we were pregnant and stood in the room and made dreams. 

Thankfully- we have since opened the door again and it's 98% ready for sweet baby buddy boy!! 

So we moved in September and did IVF again in Oct/November. 

It was the same song and dance. 

- The Dr. does not give a 2nd round discount
- You need new meds because you use all of your previous meds
- The shots STILL hurt
- Your heart becomes like steal because you don't want to get your hopes up

A few people asked me how I felt during this round......and my answer would always surprise them: if it works, it works......if it doesn't, we'll do it again. 

I was very jaded and tried to guard my heart. 

The timeline was:
Oct. 26th- Drop cash and start meds/ suppression check

Oct. 30th- ultrasound

Nov. 1st- ultrasound

Nov. 3rd- ultrasound

Nov. 5th- retrieval day!!

Nov. 10th- transfer day!!

Nov. 10th-14th- bedrest

*I was over stimulated with IVF Round #1 with 20 eggs. Therefore, I had more ultrasounds. This round, we had far fewer eggs, thus, not as many ultrasounds. 

* I think there were more Dr. appts, but I didn't write them down in my IVF book. 

This time was different. I knew in my heart that it didn't take. I never felt pregnant, I never felt the implantation, I just felt numb. 

The day before Thanksgiving, blood work confirmed it didn't take. 

Happy Thanksgiving. 

Your emotions are different from miscarrying to never being pregnant. The pain is still there, but you are not mourning a loss. 

New plan: get through Christmas and meet with Dr. McDreamy again and get a 2nd opinion. 

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