We are finding a new normal.
There was a moment in August when I couldn't see the stability that we are living in right now.
There was a moment in August when I sat in the dark corner of dad's hospital room and begged God to make all of this just go away.
The beeping of dad's IV was the ever constant reminder that my family's bad dream really wasn't a dream after all.
The rain drops day after day after day hitting his hospital windows were additional reminders that we were in our own storm.
The month of August pretty much sucked for us.
There's no eloquent way of putting it.
Stage 4 lung cancer in someone who doesn't even smoke......sucks.
I'm pretty sure after the Dr. told us lung cancer, I responded with "are you kidding me?!?"
Here's what I do know: Cancer is crazy. It's unpredictable. And no one really knows what's going on with it. The whole thing is a big guessing game. The more questions you ask, the more you want to scream because they can't be answered.
However, our literal saving grace has been God and the mercies and blessings that he has given my family.
By no means are we questioning God, but make no mistake, we are crying out to him. Daily.
Dad started radiation on Tuesday. He will have 10 days of radiation with likely side effects of him losing the hair he has already lost due to the good Walley genes.......and he will more than likely have some red spots and fatigue. I told Dad that it's time to invest in some do-rags for the next couple of weeks and to just lean into the naps that radiation is telling him to take. He really doesn't want to do either.
When we first learned of dad's lung cancer diagnosis, the whole thing was shocking as you can imagine.
Mom and I kept saying that we just knew that she or I would be the ones with cancer in our family.
Mom has a crazy family history with cancer and other health issues, and I took every possible drug to get pregnant with Jax. I have already had the BRCA testing because again, I just figured my body would continue to retaliate against me.
When the Dr. said lung cancer.......the room just silenced. The wheels started turning in our heads.
How? Why? This doesn't make sense.
Dad's oncologist literally said: "it's a good time to have lung cancer actually."
Lung cancer is the #3 cancer.
Research is hot and heavy on lung cancer apparently.
Due to the fact dad is a non-smoker, he had a small upper advantage of possibly have a specific mutated gene that could potentially allow him to bypass chemo and instead, take 8 pills a day along with radiation.
What he didn't tell us though, the chances are only 1%. His Dr. didn't tell us that until last week, which is a great this for this anxiety stricken girl.
Miracle #5 that we have watched since August 7th.........dad is in the 1%.
1%.
I literally can't even comprehend that.
When people say 1% chance.....that generally means no.
When I tell Jax there's a 1% chance that we can go to the toy store and buy him prizes..........what I really mean is "oh heck no kid."
So, when the Dr. said dad is in the 1%.......I cried, because my mom logic over here means that 1% really doesn't even exist.
Due to the statistics, dad can by-pass traditional chemo which is an answered prayer. I have gotten very specific with my prayers to the Lord. I asked God to keep dad from having to endure the natsy chemo......and yesterday dad started his 8 pills a day.
8 pills a day with a glass of water is what dad is using to eradicate cancer.
During daddy/daughter camp, he would ask for ice cream and I would take him greek yogurt with granola on top.
I told him if he complained about it, I would start 'Meatless Monday' at his house.
The month of August taught me that life as an adult is hard.
It's hard and emotional.
It taught me that most everything that I stress out about doesn't even matter. At all.
It doesn't matter.
What does matter is understanding the will of the Lord.
AND........ accepting his will and trusting in his love for us.
August is over.
FINALLY.
God's mercies are new in the month of September and even though we are weary and worn, we are resting in the arms of Jesus.
God is guiding in this new territory of cancer.
He is giving us Biblical truths to find comfort in.
He is allowing small family victories that mean so much.
He is comforting at 2 in the morning when you can't stop analyzing cancer.
It's our prayer that in addition to cancer disappearing from dad's body, dad will have little to no side effects, and the radiation and brand new to the market pills work beautifully on his lungs. I'm hoping dad can be used in a brochure or commercial or something.
September is going to be great month.
We know this to be true already due to the cool weather.
God is with us, and he is healing.
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