Monday, December 10, 2012

Paying the Big Bucks...

I have a traumatic story to share.

I really don't want to, but, this blogging story literally hit me head on. And, it's my obligation to share.

Last Friday night, I hit a deer. And it was traumatic.

What happened was:

H was in the BS for the Christmas Parade. I didn't attend due to hosting a dinner party the next night at our house. I had a dry red velvet cake to make. I showered (contemplated wearing a bra afterwards) and ordered a pizza. Personal pan for $4.

On the way to pick up my cheese pizza, a deer ran across the road and hit the right side of my car.
I was fine. I kept my composure. Stuff like this happens everyday. I wasn't hurt so there isn't a reason to be upset. I pulled into a church parking lot and assessed the damage.

It was bad....but it could have been worse.

Here is where is all goes down

While on the phone with H, assuring him that I was fine and that I was about to go pick up my cheese pizza, I told him that I wanted to drive past the "scene" and make sure the deer was indeed dead or he ran away. H said this wasn't a good idea. I nicely reminded him that he was in the next town over.

Drive by #1 resulted in no deer.
Drive by #2 resulted in my seeing the deer in the ditch.

I immediately get out of my car and run towards the deer as if I was about to preform CPR or start an IV. The poor buddy was trying to stand up, but, I had broken his back leg and ribs.

This is where I lost it. I was standing in the middle of the road crying. Heavily. All I wanted to do was pet the deer. H kept telling me that was a bad idea. I was crying to the point a sweet on-looker and her daughter stopped to check on me. Her husband was out of town and therefore couldn't come and shoot the deer. I certainly wasn't going to go home and get the gun and come back and shoot him myself. That was out of the question.

So, I called the police department and explained my story. I told the dispatcher that I wasn't hurt and my car was still drivable.....and that I simply need an officer to come and shoot the deer. I asked him not to use a siren or blue lights. They were not necessary for this situation. The dispatcher asked me to stay with the deer until the officer arrived. I was torn on if I should sit in my car or beside the deer and pet him.

To kill some time (that may be a bad reference of the word "kill"), I called my dad and explained to him  what was going on. I mentioned to dad that I only saw 1 antler on the deer. We chatted about how strange that was.....and quickly got off the phone when I saw the cop's blue lights approaching. Lovely.

The officer was nice and I explained everything and asked him to wait until I leave to shoot the deer (at this point, I was thanking the LARD that I had decided to wear a bra). He said no problem. Meanwhile, 2 more officers arrived "on the scene." With blue lights. So at this point, we have 4 cars and 3 of them are cop cars with blue lights going on. Terrific.

Before Officer A could tell Officer B that I wanted to leave before he shoots......BOOM BOOM! The deer is dead. I could smell the gun powder. I jumped and them screamed. Way to go Barney Fife with your 2 bullets. You are defiantly manly. Way to be the hero. Thank you.

Barney Fife insisted that he writes up an incident report. Ok, whatever. I'm now standing at the hood of the cop car. It appears that I'm either receiving a ticket or getting busted for drugs. 5'5 blond girl in pink shirt and cute ballet flats, carrying a Vera Wang purse is busted for drugs in Laurel city limits. I doubt the Laurel Leader Call would print "ballet flats" in the headline if I was indeed busted for drugs.

While having the incident report written up by Barney- I casually asked him what will happen to the deer? Will someone from the City come and pick him up? Barney Fife told me that he had already called Officer D, who is on his way to pick up the deer, take him home and process him.


This "S" happend to me. (My mom told me to stop cursing on my blog, this was after I used the word "hell." So to honor her sweet wishes, you can fill in the blanks here....)

Meanwhile, after feeding someone's family for 4 months, I still have to pay my deductible.

H arrives home, assesses the damages and hugs me while we were standing the garage. I cried for a little minute and while he was hugging me, I turned my head to look at my car, and BOOM! there was the other antler. I totally REMOVED an antler clear off the deer's head!!!! I lost it and cried again.

I called my dad and brother (who had me on speaker phone) and they began to make jokes about the situation they found to be hilarious. I didn't find them funny. I wasn't over it just yet.

"Aww Meg, your gonna have to pay a lot of DOE to get your car fixed!"
"It's a good thing you make the BIG BUCKS so you can pay your deductible."
"You should put a red nose on the front of your car.....then it will look like you killed Christmas! Christmas is canceled kids! Meg ran over Rudolph! "

I still picked up my pizza, because I figured I need to eat something with the big glass of wine I was about to have.

Meanwhile, $5,000 later, my car should be repaired sometime this week.


  1. Oh my gosh can you imagine if it were me with the cops !!! I am just glad you are ok.

  2. I laugh my "A" off when I read your blog. Miss ya.