Friday, March 7, 2014

Journey: Part 7

This it is!

It's gonna take this time.

That was the pep talk we kept giving ourselves! I mean, how could it NOT work with all of the meds I'm on?!

I knew I was pregnant. I could feel it. Literally. I knew the minute the little buddy implanted. I was laying on the couch on bedrest and H was washing the dishes and Coopie was laying in my lap. I knew it took. 

*not every IVF patient feels this, so don't freak out if you don't feel the implantation. It just so happens that I was laying still and had felt it with IVF #1 and knew what it felt like. I took bedrest very serious.

And Coopie was very interested in my well being! 
He was our free little incubator! 

Meanwhile, back to the story here........

This time- we just knew. I started telling H that I was pregnant.....but it was too early to test. 
On the day of his 30th birthday party, there was a faint line. Again, it was too faint to tell him. 
But- he asked how I felt......and I said pregnant. 

I couldn't tell H about the possibility of the second line if I was truly wishing and just hoping here. 

Same thing on was still faint......but, I still knew I was. 

On Monday- H called first thing in the morning from work. He left his to-do list on his desk and he asked me to send him a pic of it. 

So I did. 

Of course he called.....and I called my Dr. and we held our breath. 

I went to Dr. asap for blood work....and all was well. She had me come in every other day that week just to make sure my levels were increasing. 

We are pregnant. 

We made it! 

Can I get an Amen? What about a Hallelujah

The only bad part about being pregnant is the DANG progesterone shots. You have to take them until you are 10 weeks. However, when you do pee positive, you are considered 4 weeks pregnant. Small victory. 

Looking back, it's sorta comical to me on how quickly the fatigue set in. The timeline was essentially: The Dr. confirms the little peanut, and on my drive home, I contemplate taking a nap in the car. 

The time frame of us finding out that I am indeed pregnant was very bittersweet. Of course we are thrilled......but, my Sweet Pop was slowly passing away. It was such a weird feeling because I was both the saddest and yet happiest I have ever been in my entire life. 

I was staying with my parents the week that Pop passed away. I was an emotional wreck from him, plus my hormones, plus I was holding my breath on another possible miscarriage. H and I were worried that the stress of a funeral and the emotional aspect of losing someone so close to you would cause a miscarriage. We were waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

On my way to work on Monday, I started crying. I was crying over the fact that Pop probably wouldn't make it to Thursday and, the fact that I was going to be a mom. I was a wreck. Anyway, in the midst of my storm, I looked to my right and saw the biggest and brightest rainbow. It's as if it was solely meant for me. 

It was God. 

He was speaking to me that it's ok. It was his promise.  

I had to quickly realize that Pop is going to pass away, but it will be ok.....I will see him again. 

It's ok....I'm going to have a healthy happy baby. 

It's going to be fine. He is in control, he is merciful, and he is giving us a blessing. 
I just need to savor these moments. 

On that Monday- I had some sweet moments and memories with Pop. H wanted me to wait until he was with me to tell Pop, but time wasn't on our side. I held his fragile hand and told him that I have big secret to tell him! I think he knew what I was about to say.....

It was only the year before when we told him (and the rest of the family) on his 89th birthday that we were expecting. It's still hard for me to look at those pictures from his birthday. 

Anyway- I told Pop about the baby. And he light up. And I cried. And cried, and cried. He was so sweet and told me that I will be a great mother, and H was going to be a fantastic father and he wished that he could stay and play with our baby and the rest of his great-grandchildren. On Wednesday night, he passed away. 

Pop was the only grandfather that I ever knew, so I loved him double the amount. He attended every pageant, recital, Easter Egg hunt, school play, graduation, etc. not only for me but all of the grandkids. One of my prayers before he passed was that I could tell him that I was pregnant. 

God answered my prayers doubly. 

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