Happy Birthday Baby.

Jaxon Riley-

Today is your day. Today is your birthday. Your birthday was by far the best day of my life. I had imagined your birthday for YEARS! I had longed for it and prayed for it. And although it was crazy at times and terribly long........it was perfect. I want to relive it everyday. I want to feel the anticipation and nervousness and surprise all over again. My prize at the end of the day was you. I won the baby lottery. 

Photo Credit: Jennifer Parnell

Exactly one year ago, I was soaking in your sweet little smell and soft tender voice. I was busy counting your toes and fingers over and over again. For the longest, I called you my kitten because when you slept, you actually purred like a kitten. Sometimes you still do that and it makes me cry. I hear it over the baby monitor and I'm overcome with gratitude from God for placing you with me and your dad. 

Photo Credit: Jennifer Parnell

Photo Credit: Jennifer Parnell

Your daddy and I were so excited to call you our own on June 9, 2014. You were a mini version of him. 
You have provided us with the best year of our life! You have been the sweetest baby and helped eased us into parenthood. Your sweet spirit is contagious. You have an independent yet laid back soul. From the moment you could stretch your arms to touch your bottle, you have wanted to assist in feeding yourself. You tried your very best to walk at 10 months old, but you love having the support of someone. I'm grateful that I'm able to support you as you walk down the hallway in your footed pjs. 

You, Jaxon Riley,  are the answer to all of my midnight prayers. 

Photo Credit: Jennifer Parnell

You are the reason that I wiped away my tears. You helped me beat infertility. 

Photo Credit: Jennifer Parnell

You are the sweet baby that calls me ma-ma and melts my heart.

Jesus heard my prayers and blessed them 10 fold. He not only granted me a baby, he gave me YOU! 

You certainly enjoy the company of others and love to explore. Being outside is your element. 

Photo credit: Jennifer Parnell

You and Oscar have a strange relationship. You love him BIG and he loves the thought of you. 

Sweet Baby, you were once the size of an English Pea, and now you weigh 24 pounds (just as much as some 2 year olds). 

You enjoy reading in the car, even if your book is upside down. 

Your first year of life has been the fastest year of mine. I want to do it again and again. I pray every day that I am the mother that you need me to be. I pray that you will always feel safe and loved in our home. I pray that you will always have love and laughter to come home to. 

No matter how many more babies I have, you will always be my first baby love. You are my walking crawling miracle. You are my baby, and I will always love you. Those two things I know for certain. 

Happy Birthday Monkey! You are one LOVED little boy! 

Thoughts for Thursday......

-I have the sweetest friends that are so patient as they teach me how to use my monogram machine. I've had 2 lessons at my house.....and countless face times. 

A lot of times, I have Face Timed my neighbor at 10 pm. 

PEOPLE! I'm normally in bed with a good hour and a half of sleep behind me at that point. I didn't take a screen shot of Erin laying up in her bed with all of the lights off and only the white of her eyes showing. 

The concept and idea of applying a monogram or appliqué is easy. I understand it 100%. In my mind, I can whip out a burp cloth in a minute. However, you must factor in time of breaking a needle......and your machine eating thread.....and your thread coming out of the needle....etc. etc. etc. 

I have told close friends and family: You get 1 free item. And I choose what it is. And after that, I'm charging you. I'm not as crafty as I like to pretend to be.

-Yesterday, I went to Target and only bought what was on my list......and spent just $22. It's a miracle. I guess you CAN walk out of Target with 2 bags and spend less than $100. 

-Easter weekend, Jax attended a birthday party. Little buddy had so much fun at the party that he fell asleep holding on to the bubbles on the way home: 

I just found the pic on my phone......
And don't you worry, his little seat belts were in the correct position before the car was in reverse! Mama just needed to snap a pic first! 

-This week, I tried to make plans to visit a friend......and we literally said: how does July or August look?

 How do we get so crazy busy?!? How does this happen!?
Our calendar is FULL until July. However, it's all fun stuff that has Jax's name tied to it. I really thought having a baby would slow us down. Joke's on me. 

-I'm participating in a Bible study on Walking by Faith. Chapter 2 is on drawing a line in the sand and moving on. Do you know how hard that is when you are as stubborn as I am? Do you know how hard it is to let the past just be the past? And how to let go and love? 

As Christian women, sometimes we have to say: I was in the wrong and I'm asking for forgiveness and the chance to move forward. However, when the tables are turned, it tends to be so much harder (well, maybe that's just me). 

I have memory loss. Before our last round of IVF, I had to take hormonal meds that actually had a side-effect of memory loss. At first it wasn't that bad, but a month in, I had to leave sticky notes around the house and in my car. I would make notes in my phone as a reminder, etc. Anyway, H jokes and says that I can forget to unplug my curling iron or not be able to remember what I ate for breakfast, but I don't forget any of the details of when I have been 'wronged'. 

I have trouble drawing the line and walking away. Am I alone in this sandbox? Am I the only one that can replay scenes over and over in your mind and just not let it go? 

Progress. I'm making progress people. And when I feel like I'm making progress, I normally update H and expect a pat on the back! ha! I'm so humble. 

Happy Thursday er'body. Tonight is monogram mania night! Last night, I fell asleep watching Winnie the Pooh with the worst little bed fella ever! I really thought kicks in the rib would stop once he was birthed. 

Debt Free is the Way to Be!

Dave Ramsey.

I love him. I hate him.

He has caused us to be debt free a few times before......and he has kept me from going out to dinner when I technically had the money but the money was already earmarked.

I have blogged on Dave Ramsey and Financial Peace University previously. But, this time, I'll go a little more in dept.

During our honeymoon, back in 2007, H took Dave's book and literally read it on the beaches of Mexico.

  I drank fruity drinks, and H read about money.

When we stepped back on US soil, H handed me envelopes with titles like: Gas, Groceries, Entertainment and Meg.

I looked at him, then I looked inside the "Meg" envelope and saw $20.

No.

This isn't going to work.

I nicely told H that I make more than $20 a week.......I need more in my envelope than $20 a week.

Back story: Growing up, I NEVER received an allowance. My dad thought it was my "right of passage" to do chores around the house and that he shouldn't have to pay me for "earning my keep in his house." So, when I started getting an "allowance" once I was married, and it was only $20, I sorta didn't like it.

Here's what we did to get our budget going:
-Get a blank sheet of paper.
-At the top, write how much money (including combined income) you bring home each month.
-List and subtract out your bills.
-Get your total and start thinking.
Think about how much driving, eating and things you want to do. Think about how much savings you want. Think about your debt.
-Budget for your gas.
-Budget for your groceries.
-Budget for your entertainment last. This should be the very last item on your paper. 

Here's some caveats to remember:
- Debt is bad. So make a list of ALL of your debt (i.e. student loans, car note, credit cards, etc.) and rank them in order of smallest to greatest balance. Then, make it a priority to PAY IT OFF! 
- Give your tithe to the church 1st. God has provided you with a job. Give him 10% (or more) back.
- Your 1st few months will be a trial run with your cash envelopes.
- It's ok to take money out of 1 envelope and use it in another. Again, trial run.
- The goal is to have money left out of your envelopes at the end of the month (or 2 weeks)......however, it's ok if you don't. Just don't swipe your debit/credit card.
- Your bank account shouldn't have money in it. Get it down to $20.  Move any extra money into your savings.Take your debit/credit card out of your wallet. Don't be tempted.
- If you have a lot of debt, you don't get a lot of entertainment money. Think of debt as punishment! You want it gone and gone FAST! It needs to be a priority to pay it all off.
-The goal is to pay off your debt and to pay it off QUICKLY! You need to tell your money where to go......and not have companies ask you for money! 

Live like no one else to you can live like no one else. 

The debt snowball is a whole other animal. It basically waters down to: pay your smallest debt first so you can have some self gratification and work your way to the largest. Oh, and watch those pesky interest rates too! Just read Dave's book. 

Ok- here's mine and H's real life situations.

2007, I had a small student loan debt. Thankfully, that was all of the debt that we had. Our goal was to knock it out. We did the envelope system....and the money that was left over every 2 weeks went to my student loan. In our budget, of course we counted it as a bill to pay, but we also tried to find extra money we could use to throw at the loan. Sometimes that meant saying no to going out to dinner......or to buying clothes.....or taking a weekend get-a-way. I'm not going to lie, it was hard, but we had a priority and we knew that once we paid off the loan, we needed to start saving for a new car. 
New as in used. 

Thanks to our diligence, we paid off the loan quickly. Thank goodness it was small. Next up, we knew we needed to a car, so we started paying ourself a car note in our saving account.

Caveat: set up another checking or savings account for earmarked money (i.e. new car, vacation, IVF, etc.) It makes is harder to get to the money in situations when you think you "need" it. Don't get a debit card or checks for the account. Make it where you HAVE to go to the bank for your withdrawals.

So, we started saving for a car. This is where we deviated from the Dave plan. We don't exactly see eye to eye here.....but, we understand what he says. Dave says to buy a car that is the amount of money that you have saved. 

I get it, and that's very smart. 

However, we buy a newer-used car that will hopefully last us longer. The trade off is that we have a loan. Dave also says to buy used due to a car losing SO much value the minute you drive off the lot. Now that I have owned and sold a previous car, I totally understand this. Cars are not investments. They depreciate before you even make it home.

We were debt free until we bought our Volvo. Now, we have a car note. AND, we start the cycle again.  Thankfully, that is all of the debt that we have.......but, it's still a debt and debt is bad.

We are still rocking with the envelopes and pay off the Volvo in 3 years. People, I'm don't want to paint a rosy picture here.....we had to say no to things that we really want to do and places we really wanted to go. However, we wanted the financial freedom more though.

Now, it's IVF time. This is what got us. This is what broke our spirits. After my 1st surgery, we knew it was about to get tough. I was a stay at home wife (due to just moving back to MS) and thinking with each passing month, I was about to be a stay at home mom. I wasn't looking for a job, I didn't want a job.....I just wanted to be a mom. When we started to see how much infertility cost.......I GOT A JOB! One of the best financial decisions we have ever made was to continue to just live off of one income. We had lived a few months with just one income and had reconfigured our budget......so when I started my job, the sole purpose was to use that money to save for Jaxon Riley. I had my pay check routed to a savings account. We never touched it. When it was time to pay for 3 rounds of IVF, BOOM! we had the money. 

Don't get me wrong, it was tough writing out a check for A LOT OF MONEY for IVF alone. We had already paid for an additional surgery and 4 IUI's. When we met with the financial coordinator at the IVF clinic, we knew we needed to prepare for the worst.

In the meantime, God provided COUNTLESS blessings to us and we recognized those. We prayed about how to be diligent with our money. We prayed that God would show us allowances in our budget that we could remove. Our heart was more than ready for a baby and we made that our priority.

When I started my job, I needed a more reliable car (H took my Volvo). The car I was driving was the car my parents bought me in high school and it had just left me stranded on the side of the road. It was a necessary evil. So, here we go again. However, this time, the car debt wasn't a priority.  Operation GET JAXON HERE was in full force.

To maximize our budget, we said no to vacations. We said no to weekend getaways. We lowered our Christmas budget. I meal planned like no other. Thankfully, at the time, we lived in a small community where you had to drive 30 minutes plus to watch a movie or have a variety of restaurants at your disposal. That alone saved us a LOT of money. I didn't want to drive an hour (round trip) just to get full on food. I could do that with a bag of popcorn and a glass of vino.

Fast forward: October 2013. I'm now pregnant. IVF is OVER! Now, we get to decide how to utilize my paycheck. We set goals and pushed the reset button. 

For several months, life happened. It brought an unexpected surgery for Jax, new tires on the cars, car repairs, french drains....you get the picture. 

Thankfully, we are debt free again. In January- it was official. While most families are still feeling the hit of Christmas on a credit card, thanks to Dave Ramsey- I wrote a check and paid off my car. 

And it feels good. 

 The motto at the Jones house is: Well, we are debt free until we are not anymore. 

The purpose of this post is to motivate you. I want you to know that it is possible and within reach. Don't get me wrong, it's hard to say no to fun things when you wake up everyday and go to work and work hard for your paycheck. However, once debt free, it does make going to work a little more exciting because YOU get to decide what you are working for. 

A vacation! A new (used) car! Fun dates! Quick trips during the summer!

My free advice, start next month on your road to financial freedom. Make it happen. If H, who wants to save everything.......and me (who wants to spend everything) can do this, so can you! 

We still have a mortgage. Because we are not living in our "forever" home, we are not tackling that debt aggressively.

***I'm totally condensing the Dave Ramsey method here. Read his book for more info and how to work your way out of debt.***

Happy Saving. Budgeting. Coupon Clipping. And cutting back. 

On the Night You Were Born....

Jaxon Riley-

On the night you were born, there was love and laughter.

We welcomed you into our family of 2 with WIDE open arms and hearts.

Your daddy was just beside himself with excitement and anticipation. Your grandparents roamed the halls (Literally. The Dr. even told us so). 

We waited and waited and waited. 

We were hoping that you would share your birthday with your great grandfather, Pop. However, you had other plans for us. And honestly, I think Pop would have wanted you to have your own special day too! We will now celebrate 3 birthday's in a row in the Walley family. Your cousin Tyler, Pop's and now yours! 

You started our day off bright and early at 4am. I think you were just preparing us for our late night feeding sessions that you enjoy. When we arrived at the hospital at 7am, we were so excited to get the party started! 

Your handsome daddy was nervous and tried to make me feel better, so he rubbed my feet. I had to remind him several times that I couldn't feel them due to my epidural. 

We watched your heartbeat and my contractions all day! 
The contractions become more frequent and intense. Your dad enjoyed "charting and anticipating" them. It kept him busy......so I didn't mind.

I ate lots of popsicles and ice chips......and even churned out a blog post....which your dad made fun of me for. So I sent him to the cafeteria. 

At 11:45 pm, the doctors and nurses wheeled me into the operating room for your delivery. Your daddy had to suit up as if he was a Dr. 

Because of the wonderful meds and his scrubs/mask/hat, I didn't recognize your dad and I thought he was just another Dr. in the room! 

At 12:16, Monday, June 9- you changed my life and heart. 

You had arrived my dear!

 I will never forget the sound of your sweet kitten voice. There were cheers in the operating room and your daddy immediately began updating me on what was going on. 

You weighed 7lbs and were 21 inches. 

There in that moment, you completed the space in our heart that we had reserved for you. 

You are our angel baby, our miracle, our little kitten, lima bean and monkey man. 

We loved you the minute we saw you........but the sweetest thing is knowing that you have loved us back your whole little life! 

I have always loved your daddy, and never thought I could love him more until I saw him hold you. 

I'm forever grateful that God chose us to be your parents. 

And I'm sorry that I'll remind you for your whole life that I labored for 14 hours just to have a c-section at the end for you to be born. You were worth it, and I would do it again as long as I get to hold you at the end. 

*Photo credit goes to the talented friend of mine, Jennifer Parnell with Jennifer Nicole Photography. 

True Story: It took longer to give birth than to receive our photos from Jennifer! 

Another True Story: I laid in the hospital bed and cried....and cried....and cried looking at them until H MADE me put the computer away. Umm....hello new mommy hormone problems! 

Jaxon Riley, welcome to the family. We are sooo glad that you are here! You are going to make our house so much more fun. God has big plans for you little man, and I'm glad that I'm the one that gets to watch with your dad. 

With more love than I could have ever imagined, 

Your Mom

Mother's Day....

This Mother's Day was a little bittersweet for me. 

While I was so happy to be 9 months pregnant and FINALLY have a reason to celebrate the day, I kept thinking about all of my friends that are dying to be in my position with pregnancy. 

Mother's Day was always so hard for me the last few years. It was so nice to see sweet photos of my friends and their little munchkins, but it's ANOTHER reminder that a year has gone by and I'm not receiving a macaroni necklace, or a painted picture from school or a handprint in a piece of pottery. 

To all of the ladies who cried, mourned and needed distractions on Mother's Day............you are not alone. It's hard.....but, it helps mold you into a stronger woman that makes you appreciate motherhood on a new level. Every night, I thank God for the kickboxer in my stomach and for the joy he is about to bring our house. For all of the solemn Mother's Days from my past, they make me fully appreciate the card I received yesterday from H and the baby. 

I would tell you that it gets better, but it doesn't. It's not better until you are pregnant or holding your baby in your arms. That's the real truth about infertility. Even when the statistics are on your side......they mean nothing. 

Ladies: keep advocating for your baby. Keep asking God to fulfill your hopes. Of course I would have LOVED to have had our baby years ago.......but, it has been so much fun to go through this experience with all of my friends this year. 
Your Mother's Day is coming......and you will wear that macaroni necklace with pride. And possibly to work on Monday. 

Next year, I'll be wrestling a little boy to keep his socks and shoes on for pictures all while screaming "it's my first mother's day!! I've waited YEARS for this picture!!"

1 in 8.

I'm a statistic. 

I don't want to be. But, I am. 

 1 in 8 women have to deal with infertility. 
When I think about the numbers .......in my personal life......they are wrong. 

I know a LOT of women that have dealt with (or still dealing with) this diagnosis. 

I made a personal choice not to hide it. It's part of who I am and the story as to how I will be meeting my miracle baby boy soon. 

Many people have mixed emotions about modern medicine and IVF procedures. I say, to each their own.......but, come visit me in a few weeks and I'll let you hold a tiny big miracle of modern medicine. 

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. 

I have so many questions about this debilitating disease and at this point, no one can answer. While  research is underway.....it's not enough and not fast. 

Here's a link that lays out some helpful definitions if you wanna know more: http://www.resolve.org/diagnosis-management/infertility-diagnosis/

When I think back on our my journey to motherhood......I would do it all over again. 

In a minute. 

Don't get me wrong, it was tough and I cried a lot, but in 1 months time, I will be holding a little baby boy that will look like his handsome daddy........and that's totally worth the shots, and the other drugs, and the Dr.'s appointments and the money. 

Thank you Lupron for putting me into medically induced menopause.
That was fun. Especially in the summer months.

  

Because sometimes, you need help from Vino
and Pecan Spinwheels to get through it. 

Let's just call it as we see it. I had a drug problem.
Too bad the side effects didn't make me feel any better.



H and I are thankful that we fought for our baby. We do not have any regrets on making the sacrifices that we made to be able to walk into a nursery at our home.......or to lay in bed and feel the baby kickbox me......or watch my calorie intake multiply (not to be confused with doubling).  When I walk into the baby's nursery, it all seems surreal. This is FINALLY happening. 

We beat infertility.......

Because of modern medicine (and Jesus of course), I'm going to be a mother. 

Journey: Part 7

This it is!

It's gonna take this time.

That was the pep talk we kept giving ourselves! I mean, how could it NOT work with all of the meds I'm on?!

I knew I was pregnant. I could feel it. Literally. I knew the minute the little buddy implanted. I was laying on the couch on bedrest and H was washing the dishes and Coopie was laying in my lap. I knew it took. 

*not every IVF patient feels this, so don't freak out if you don't feel the implantation. It just so happens that I was laying still and had felt it with IVF #1 and knew what it felt like. I took bedrest very serious.

And Coopie was very interested in my well being! 
He was our free little incubator! 

Meanwhile, back to the story here........

This time- we just knew. I started telling H that I was pregnant.....but it was too early to test. 
On the day of his 30th birthday party, there was a faint line. Again, it was too faint to tell him. 
But- he asked how I felt......and I said pregnant. 

I couldn't tell H about the possibility of the second line if I was truly wishing and just hoping here. 

Same thing on Sunday.....it was still faint......but, I still knew I was. 

On Monday- H called first thing in the morning from work. He left his to-do list on his desk and he asked me to send him a pic of it. 

So I did. 

Of course he called.....and I called my Dr. and we held our breath. 

I went to Dr. asap for blood work....and all was well. She had me come in every other day that week just to make sure my levels were increasing. 

We are pregnant. 

We made it! 

Can I get an Amen? What about a Hallelujah? 

The only bad part about being pregnant is the DANG progesterone shots. You have to take them until you are 10 weeks. However, when you do pee positive, you are considered 4 weeks pregnant. Small victory. 

Looking back, it's sorta comical to me on how quickly the fatigue set in. The timeline was essentially: The Dr. confirms the little peanut, and on my drive home, I contemplate taking a nap in the car. 

The time frame of us finding out that I am indeed pregnant was very bittersweet. Of course we are thrilled......but, my Sweet Pop was slowly passing away. It was such a weird feeling because I was both the saddest and yet happiest I have ever been in my entire life. 

I was staying with my parents the week that Pop passed away. I was an emotional wreck from him, plus my hormones, plus I was holding my breath on another possible miscarriage. H and I were worried that the stress of a funeral and the emotional aspect of losing someone so close to you would cause a miscarriage. We were waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

On my way to work on Monday, I started crying. I was crying over the fact that Pop probably wouldn't make it to Thursday and, the fact that I was going to be a mom. I was a wreck. Anyway, in the midst of my storm, I looked to my right and saw the biggest and brightest rainbow. It's as if it was solely meant for me. 

It was God. 

He was speaking to me that it's ok. It was his promise.  

I had to quickly realize that Pop is going to pass away, but it will be ok.....I will see him again. 

It's ok....I'm going to have a healthy happy baby. 

It's going to be fine. He is in control, he is merciful, and he is giving us a blessing. 
I just need to savor these moments. 

On that Monday- I had some sweet moments and memories with Pop. H wanted me to wait until he was with me to tell Pop, but time wasn't on our side. I held his fragile hand and told him that I have big secret to tell him! I think he knew what I was about to say.....

It was only the year before when we told him (and the rest of the family) on his 89th birthday that we were expecting. It's still hard for me to look at those pictures from his birthday. 

Anyway- I told Pop about the baby. And he light up. And I cried. And cried, and cried. He was so sweet and told me that I will be a great mother, and H was going to be a fantastic father and he wished that he could stay and play with our baby and the rest of his great-grandchildren. On Wednesday night, he passed away. 

Pop was the only grandfather that I ever knew, so I loved him double the amount. He attended every pageant, recital, Easter Egg hunt, school play, graduation, etc. not only for me but all of the grandkids. One of my prayers before he passed was that I could tell him that I was pregnant. 

God answered my prayers doubly. 

Journey: Part 6

Christmas was a blur after IVF Rounds 1 & 2 failed miserably.

I didn't feel like Christmas shopping or being social.

In January of 2013- we set back down at Dr. McDreamy's conference table and discussed options.

And then I cried. 

Option #1- Use a donor egg
Option #2- Adopt an embryo
Option #3- Beef up my eggs with steroids and do the IVF process all over again.

That was it. 

3 options. 

None of which made me excited.

So, I cried some more. And ate ice cream. 

We were not satisfied with our options, so we visited another Dr.
He reviewed my huge chart and notes.

He gave us the same options, but said that he highly recommended adopting an embryo.
He provided us with information on a clinic in Tennessee and said that it's a guarantee way for us to have a baby.

I held it in as long as I could.......then I let it all out.

I did the ugly cry. Which lead the Dr. to cry.

That's nice and all......but I really need you to keep it together. You are the professional and now you are making me feel like I will never birth a child since YOU are crying! 

Essentially: My eggs are lazy.
If we are real life friends, I'll be happy to elaborate over Mexican food.

It took 2 rounds of IVF to realize this.
Normally- Round 1 of IVF doesn't work.......and if Round 2 doesn't work, we are establishing a pattern.

We received information from the embryo clinic in Tennessee.
They are really nice and operate a professional clinic........but I'm gonna be honest, it sorta felt like we were applying for a spot on The Bachelor. If I were to offer up embryos, I would want the best too. However, being on the other side of this equation......I wasn't amused. 

I pretty much said NO when a few couples wanted a scrapbook that detailed your life and showcased your home. 

Nope. 

I don't think so. 

I don't want to be sized up for the square footage of my home. 
I don't want to make a scrapbook that has photos of the dogs and me and H at Easter. 
I don't want to show pics of us at football games, or H playing golf or our wedding. 

One night- I cried to H about the whole scrapbook thing.......and I was like "I'll have to hire Mary to do our scrapbook! I don't even know what to do! Our baby situation will rest on Mary's shoulders, and her crafty abilities." 

Because H is a smart guy- he nixed the embryo adoption that night.  

So- now we are down to 2 options. 

A month or so later, we consulted with Dr. McDreamy to find out about costs, percentages, likelihoods and timelines about the other options. 

We listened, I cried, we prayed then decided (over a 2 month span).

Of course we picked the option with the lowest percentage rate and hoped for the best. 
We like to live on the edge like that. 

We made up our mind to proceed with Round #3 with extra meds. 
We felt comfortable in our decision but knew it was the most difficult option in regards to price, statistics and timeline. 

H and I held hands and opened up our planners (and wallet). 

IF there is a beauty to IVF......it is the fact you have the ability to pick what month you want to start the process. We were both busy with work in the Spring, I was in the middle of comps,  and LARD knows I didn't want to do it in the summer.....so we waited until August/September. 

It was the perfect time. 

It was OUR time. 

Journey: Part 5

The next few weeks were really hard on us. Really hard. 

But- we made another plan. 

Move in our new home, knock out some projects, do IVF again. And we did just that. 

We moved in our new humble abode with mixed emotions. I was suppose to be fat and happy.......but instead, I'm puffy from emotional eating.....and I'm HOTT due to all of the manual labor of moving. 

We closed the door to the nursery and didn't talk about. We didn't talk about the fact that while we toured the home.....we were pregnant and stood in the room and made dreams. 

Thankfully- we have since opened the door again and it's 98% ready for sweet baby buddy boy!! 

So we moved in September and did IVF again in Oct/November. 

It was the same song and dance. 

Fact:
- The Dr. does not give a 2nd round discount
- You need new meds because you use all of your previous meds
- The shots STILL hurt
- Your heart becomes like steal because you don't want to get your hopes up

A few people asked me how I felt during this round......and my answer would always surprise them: if it works, it works......if it doesn't, we'll do it again. 

I was very jaded and tried to guard my heart. 

The timeline was:
Oct. 26th- Drop cash and start meds/ suppression check

Oct. 30th- ultrasound

Nov. 1st- ultrasound

Nov. 3rd- ultrasound

Nov. 5th- retrieval day!!

Nov. 10th- transfer day!!

Nov. 10th-14th- bedrest

*I was over stimulated with IVF Round #1 with 20 eggs. Therefore, I had more ultrasounds. This round, we had far fewer eggs, thus, not as many ultrasounds. 

* I think there were more Dr. appts, but I didn't write them down in my IVF book. 

This time was different. I knew in my heart that it didn't take. I never felt pregnant, I never felt the implantation, I just felt numb. 

The day before Thanksgiving, blood work confirmed it didn't take. 

Happy Thanksgiving. 

Your emotions are different from miscarrying to never being pregnant. The pain is still there, but you are not mourning a loss. 

New plan: get through Christmas and meet with Dr. McDreamy again and get a 2nd opinion. 

Journey: Part 4

The dreaded IVF.

You would have thought the Dr. had given me a week to live when he said our next step was IVF.

I don't like needles.

I don't like paying large sums of money. Especially on something that should come easy.

Have I mentioned I don't like needles?


I'm not a person who turns to medicine for every little ailment. I try to cure things on my own accord.

Case in point:
If I have a headache, I drink either a glass of wine or a cup of coffee (this is based on how early in the day it is). Normally, the headache goes away.

If I cut myself, I just throw some neosporin on it and call it a day.

Meanwhile- when Dr. McDreamy said, "oh, you will pay around $2,500 -$3,000 on meds," I almost fainted.

1. I don't want to spend that much money on meds.
2. Dear LARD.....how many meds will that be??!!!

This is how many:

The pharmacy that filled my prescription mailed my meds in a Depends box. True Story. 

I told H that I don't know if I should laugh or cry. It certainly can't be a good sign? Right?!

The month before IVF, the Dr. wanted me to start prenatals and do a month of birth control.  #counterproductive?

The nurses showed us how to administer the shots and gave all of the instructions to H. 

This is how he held the needle:

I fired him 1.5 seconds later. 

I don't think so buddy. 

I'm not going to paint a rosy picture here.......the shots hurt. They hurt real bad. 
I had to take 2 shots in my stomach and one in the toosh for roughly 2.5 weeks, but, after you become preggers....you have to continue taking the progesterone shot for 10 weeks. 

A low point for me in the IVF process was doing this during the summer. We lived walking distance from the Country Club pool and I didn't want to go. I had bruises all over my stomach.......and my toosh. A whole piece bathing suit would obviously cover up my stomach, but my booty looked BAD. 

So I did the only logical thing I knew to do: Cry and eat ice cream on the couch. 

I cried a lot that summer. I was an emotional train wreck that was slowly derailing. 

I was busy with summer school as I was taking my hardest classes, busy with work, we were trying to buy a house for the anticipation we would get preggers on Round 1, we were keeping IVF a secret, friends were having babies left and right and I felt jaded that I had to do shots 3 times a day. I was a peach. That was bruised. 

Our timeline was the following:

April 27th (my birthday)- Drop cash like a balla' for IVF costs to the Dr. and start taking prenatals

May 2nd- Supression check with Dr. McDreamy

May 7th- Last birth control pill 

May 11th- ultrasound

May 15th- ultrasound

May 17th- ultrasound

May 19th- ultrasound

May 21st- ultrasound

May 23rd- Egg retrieval day!!

May 28th- Transfer Day (pregnant until proven otherwise)

May 29th-30th- Bedrest

June 6th- We are PREGNANT! 

June 7th- Dr. confirmed! Hormone levels are through the roof! 

A week later, we miscarried......Father's Day weekend. 


Thanks for trying at the game of Life. 
Come back later when you have more money to throw in the wind. 



See 'ya tomorrow for Part 5. 

Blue Cross Blue Shield.

I work for the "State."

When you work for the "State," everyone thinks you have great insurance.

Negative.

You don't. Unless you are dying.

Below is the conversation I had with a customer service rep with Blue Cross.

BCBS: Thanks for calling- what do you want?

Meg: Hi! I'm Meg. My card number is 1234567, and I have questions about my coverage.

BCBS: Ok- like what?

Meg: Yes- I'm seeing Dr. McDreamy in Jackson for fertility treatments and their insurance coordinator laughed at me for having you as my insurance provided and they suggested that I sell a kidney. Do you cover infertility treatments?

BCBS: No. Infertility treatments are elective.

Meg: Nope. Nose jobs are elective. I have gimpy ovaries. I didn't elect for that.

BCBS: Right. But not having or having children isn't a medical necessity to your health.

Meg: So, I'm put in the same categories as people with liposuction, nose jobs and boobie jobs? All because I'm "electing" to have children.

BCBS: Mam-we don't cover infertility. Best of luck.

After that conversation, I considered having a bake sale. And a garage sale. And selling weenie dogs.

But instead, we hunkered down, canceled vacations, and budgeted like none other.
Honestly- it was tough but sorta fun. Saving money was sorta a game to us. However, I'm glad to be out of the game now! 


Now- we are in the game of buying diapers and saving for college. If you see me trying to potty train our baby when they are 3 months old.....it's only because I'm tired of budgeting for diapers. And if you see H teaching our baby Algebra when they are a year old, it's because we are shooting for college scholarships. It's never too early.....right??

Journey: Part 3

When we walked into Dr. McDreamy's office.....I was already weapy and jaded.

I kept thinking.....this isn't how I want to get preggers. This isn't how it's suppose to be.
It's suppose to be fun...and include a date night and a bottle of wine.

Instead, I'm hanging over my insurance card and the receptionist is laughing at me for having Blue Cross and Blue Shield Insurance. It was pretty much the recommendation of the receptionist to sell a kidney on the black market to pay for our infertility expenses.
There will be another post on BCBS coming soon. 

Anyway, sitting at a conference room table as H is holding my hand.......we tell our story thus far. The nurses look at previous lab work, and surgery notes and I tell them about ovulation kits and basal thermometers and such. They make notes, tell us we are in the right place......then call in the Dr.

Ladies: I had to compose myself for the first 5 minutes.
No lie.....my Dr. looks like Patrick Dempsey.
  Hello Dr. McDreamy. 

In that moment, I smiled and knew God had a sense of humor. That funny funny man. 

Side Bar: as we left the Dr.'s office, H started laughing at the fact that McDreamy was going to be the guy to get us preggers! He kept saying...."so THAT'S the guy!" 

Anyway, McDreamy prescribed a drug named Femera and we had our first of 3 IUI's in Sept. 2011.
It didn't work.

In October and November- my eggs were not participating in the game as they should.
Beautiful.

So, we did another IUI in January of 2012.
It didn't work either.

So, we did another one later that month.......same song.....same dance.

All of our IUI stories are very comical. However, I cannot share them on the blog. If I do, I think that H would take away my blog and weenie dogs as punishment. We only share those stories at dinner parties with our close friends.

Going through infertility......you have to laugh about it at times so you don't cry! But then, you end up crying because life isn't fair and you are having to pay for your child while your friends are getting pregnant just by sitting too close to their hubbies on the couch!

If something was going to go wrong during our IUI process......it went wrong with us!

On the 1st and 2nd IUI, I had 2 good eggs. So that meant twins. If the IUI had worked, science was showing twins.

We were thrilled with that. We had wrapped our minds around twins! We had names picked out.
BTW: we are not matchy matchy twin name people.

3rd IUI was slightly different. I went to McDreamy's office for a pre-appt. ultrasound.
This time there were 3 good eggs.

Triplets.

We had a good chance for triplets.

T.R.I.P.L.E.T.S.

The Dr. asked if we wanted to go ahead with the IUI.

I cried the whole way home. The only thing I could think about was the fact that we could have 3 little stocking at Christmas. And for some reason, I kept thinking it would be 3 boys.

H didn't go with me to the pre-appt. It was just a "routine" ultrasound.

So, I called him at work.

Me: Hey babe. Having a good day?
H: Yeah! Everything still good for tomorrow?
Me: yeah, we just need to decide if we are going to go through with it.
H: well yes!! Why wouldn't we?
Me: well, if it takes to all of my eggs, we will have triplets.
H: I need to call you back.

He calls back and says YES! Which is great, because that is what I wanted to do as well.

After that IUI didn't take.......it was time to move to Plan F. Literally.....we were on our 6th step here in aiding in getting me pregnant.

Fun time are 'a coming.......stay tuned for Part 4.